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Friday, June 8, 2012

My Name is Sass and I will not be defined by one thing, but an everlasting list of things

On days when I am feeling like everything is too much and I am not sure where I belong, who I am, why I am, I say to myself…. 

My name is Sass, I am 41 years old, my home is where my heart is – it is small, cozy, comfortable, full of dog hair and lushly landscaped like a forest.  I live with my wonderful, loving, sexy, big hearted husband of whom I adore and my three (and sometimes four) crazy dogs and a big fat talkative cat, in a pacific northwest town not too far from the beach. We live for our happy hours together every single Friday where we reconnect after a long work week over strong drinks and bar food.  I have a son who has a heart of gold, strong politicos, and an arsenal of guns, also of whom I adore.  I have three sisters and a mom and dad – all who I see often and all of whom I cherish. I am proud to have eastern band Cherokee and white man redneck in my blood. I am blessed to have the best inlaws and brother n sister n laws ever. I come from a good family with cousins, aunts and uncles from all different walks of life.  I can count my good friends on one hand. I have a self sustaining, self fertilizing, self watering organic garden. I will share with you anything I own. Everything I own has been gifted, found, rummaged, donated, refurbished or purchased gently used. Although I may ‘play the game’ to get what I need like a decent job, a paycheck and a roof over my head, I believe only in the laws of nature and in the world of spirits, rejecting anything superficial. I may own my house but I do not believe in owning land. I believe a good buzz can be good for the soul and that grapes should be eaten only as wine. I find pleasure in reading a book a week and then passing it on. Consuming delectable, fantastically prepared food turns me on and an epicurean dessert could make me climax. And there is nothing better than a good cry or a hearty long laugh that comes deep from within the belly.

THAT IS ME. AND I LIKE ME. Some times its just saying the simple things and remembering to not let all the complicated stuff define me. I focus on the stables in my life because everything else is so changeable, shallow, unforgiving and detrimental to the soul.  This mantra provides me with a sense of normality, although normality is something I am never able to reach, I don't fit into a box. I don’t fit into society’s expectations for me.

Have you ever wondered where you belong? The answer is in your loved ones arms, with a few simple stables. Stop trying to define yourself, stop trying to be so keen to fit in and belong. Yes, it's true that we as human beings need to connect to people with similar experiences and mind sets but this isn't us full stop. One part of me doesn't define me. I am so much more and so are you. Because really you can be who ever you want to be.