I've been homebound since last Sunday night when I noticed the beginnings of a rash on my belly and arms. Monday morning I awoke completely covered from the ears to my toes in tiny little red bumps. Those little red bumps itch like mother fuckers. Pardon my language but I can't find any other word to describe it. I've been spending every waking hour with no sleep itiching every crevice of my body - ears, neck, armpits, arms, shoulders, back, and legs. Luckily for me, the rash has so far neglected to infest my face, scalp or private parts, thank the good lord above for that one. Just so you know, you can quit reading now if you want. I'm not going to censor myself in this post in case you haven't noticed yet.
And yes, I saw a doc first thing Monday morning. She took 6 viles of blood to test for food allergies which have been a pain in my ass lately and also to test for lupus - the skin condition type of lupus that goes along with a rash and achey joints. Of course, I won't know for a week what's wrong with me so I sit here, itching the minutes away. I'm going back to the doc tomorrow to try to see if we can figure this out once and for all. Could it be shingles? scabies? some unknown disease? I don't know but I do know that I want to stop the itching and stop it NOW. I'm known for my remedies and I've tried them all to no avail - creamy oatmeal body rubs, tea tree oil slathers, prescription antihistamines, creams, homeopathics, vodka, etc... Nothing works long term, yeah, I may get 10 minutes of relief but then it's back to itching. I'm not getting even slightly better and if anything, I feel slightly manic now. I can't sit still, I can't sleep, I can only itch and itch and itch. It's wrong, fucking horribly wrong to itch like this.
I don't feel sick. I have no fever. I'm not stressed. I could even run 10 miles just to get the heebie jeebies outta me. So, I sit and wait. I wait for test results, I wait for relief, I wait for respite. And meanwhile, I itch, and itch, and itch....
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself.
When you are carried away with your worries, fears, cravings, anger, and desire,
you run away from yourself and you lose yourself.
The practice is always to go back to oneself.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh
Daily affirmations - these are words of wisdom that help shape my outlook on life. Before I rise from bed every morning and after I've cursed my alarm clock thoroughly, I reach for my phone to read my first email of the day - Daily Words of Wisdom. A quote a day keeps the doctor away, it's true. Over a year ago, I subscribed to these and I cannot tell you how much they mean to me. Every week is 5 daily quotes pertaining to a certain sense of being. Some weeks deal with fear, others with knowledge, sometimes courage, other times intuition, many times faith, and a lot of times just pure age old wisdom. Yet each and everyone of them inspries me to get out of bed each morning which is a feat in and of itself.
As you've noticed, these words also give me a small seed of an idea of which I can write a whole blog post on, relating it to my life and my feelings of life. Sometimes I don't fully understand the daily words of wisdom but my husband has this tremdenous gift for explaining them to me, bringing meaning to an otherwise tangle of words. I've read some authors perceptions of quotes. They think that a real writer wouldn't need to use recycled quotes to get their thoughts out on paper. But I think they are just arrogant and are missing a precious chance to ponder life, even if just for a minute.
Every now and then one of the daily quotes will hit me hard, making me sit back and consider how such a small phrase of words can hold so much meaning and have so much heart. These are the ones that I save, referring to often until I have absolute certainty that I fully grasp their concept. Wise words from wise people encourage me to grow within and to keep my spirit alive. No matter what I will always be drawn to them and you can always expect me to write about. They are the building blocks of my soul.